Daily Mom Hug | Hard Truth
Sometimes the problem is you, and that's okay.
Good morning, fam.
Today, I want to talk to you about a hard truth: Sometimes we are the problem.
I know this feels contrary to my normal message, but I promise it’s not.
What I’m actually saying is that trauma gives us blinders, especially long-term, repetitive trauma, as we are hard-wired to believe that certain things always mean certain things.
Think about it: What is something that happened in your past that is negatively affecting your present and your future?
I have three distinct triggers:
When I’m feeling dismissed or trivialized, I get ridiculously angry and lash out. This is due to having my voice silenced or minimized while growing up, because I never felt heard or acknowledged. My needs were relegated to an afterthought by my parents growing up, so as an adult, I still feel that rage that burned since my childhood.
“You’re not listening to me!” A big one from my first marriage, my ex used to say this all the time. Not because I wasn’t listening—I was!—but because I didn’t agree with him. My opinion, thoughts and needs were gaslit by his own trauma (not an excuse, but it is what it is) to the point where I stopped trying to tell him anything of importance. This translated into a deep inability to express myself to my current husband for the longest time, because I didn’t believe what I needed to say would be valued.
My certainty that everyone is going to leave me. This was burned into me after my bio mom left when I was 4, and the subsequent abuse I would endure, which led me to believe that I was worthless and if my mother couldn’t stay, why would anyone else?
There are more, but these are my primary ones. So, why share my trauma with you? One, transparency. I want to be open and honest with you all. Two, I want to draw the line between holding on and letting go.
Because my hard truth is that I let my trauma birth my self-sabotage, which has adversely affecting my relationships.
It took a lot of therapy to work through these issue, but if I’m honest, I still have moments. Thankfully, I have a partner who will listen and assure me that I am loving, loveable and loved.
Just like you.
So, my hope for you is that you take some time to think about what you’re holding on to and how it’s serving your life. It’s an uncomfortable space to sit in, but I promise it’ll be worth it. If that means therapy and/or medication, then so be it. They are tools to help you let go of the trauma. That’s it.
The only way out is through, and more importantly:
You deserve to be happy.